Heisui’s Thoughts: Would I ever stop drama blogging? Is it worth it?
Recently one of my friends asked me “Would you ever stop drama blogging?”. This post is a reflection on my journey throughout these past 5 years of drama blogging:
Honestly, in the past, I used to be both proud yet also insecure about my blog. I have always been proud of how much I accomplished with my blog, and of course, I’ve enjoyed my hobby all these years. But, I was still scared that others would view my blogging about dramas as a waste of time, that they would discover that I used to be a total spazz, that they would deem me weird for enjoying Asian dramas, etc. I didn’t even want to say that I blogged for fear that people would ask for the link. How could I say “I don’t want you to have the link”?!?
I have many reasons for why I didn’t share my blog with a lot of people. One of the reasons is I was scared of judgment. I used to think that this was because of how others would react. But in the end, it was all just me judging myself and jumping to assumptions about others. I have shared my blog with some more people whom I know in “real life”. These people have been supportive of my blog. My fears were unfounded. I learned that I can be proud of my hobby without these insecurities. It’s fine to keep my blog and my identity to myself if I want to–I’m not obligated to share the link or my identity with anyone. But I can share it if I want to.
Sometimes I ask myself if dramas are worth it, if my blog is worth it. I doubted myself. Sometimes a part of me would whisper “It’s just entertainment” and question “What am I doing with my time?”. This year, I have come to believe wholeheartedly that I have no regrets with my blog. I started out not even knowing if I would remain a blogger. But I ended up going all the way. If I had never started my blog, I never would’ve known how far I could’ve come.
A lot of good has come out of my blog. For one, my writing voice developed a lot. I used to be a total spazz, writing in all caps so much, going LOLOLOL and AWWWWWWW and ROFL ROFL. X_X” I used to watch dramas to procrastinate, de-stress, and turn off my brain for a while. I eventually transitioned to analyzing dramas on a deeper level. Turning off my brain was not enough for me. I had to think deeply about what I was watching. I had to get more out of it. Yes everyone, I recently came to the somewhat horrific (just kidding) realization that I have basically been doing the same thing I was taught to do in my English classes: I have been happily writing “essays” analyzing stories. Of my own volition! And I used to hate writing essays!
Another great thing that happened through my blog is I got to connect with a lot of people from all around the world. While these connections are sometimes only momentary, it still feels great to know how far-reaching my writing can be. I’ve also gotten to know some great people–I likely would have never even known they exist if I had not gotten into drama blogging.
Lastly, I accomplished things I never thought I would with my blog. If I went back in time 5 years and told myself, “You will write 500+ posts, have over 500 subscribers, write about Itazura na Kiss for the Drama Fever Drama Club, host a give away, move your blog to self-hosting, get x amount of pageviews, etc. etc.” I don’t think I would’ve believed it. “Who, me? No way.” I would’ve said. YES, YOU!
There’s a saying that people will come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I think it’s the same for blogs. For many bloggers, blogs represent a certain time period within their lives. So far, my blog has been with me for a season of 5 years. The real question is: “How long is my blog going to be in my life?”. I doubt that I will blog for a lifetime, and I’m not sure how many more seasons I’ll be blogging for. Back in the day, I used to act like this was an existential crisis or something. T_T” I simply wasn’t ready to end my blog back then. Now though, I’ve gotten to the point where if I ever want to end this chapter in my life, I will. If I ever feel that the season of blogging is over, I can my blog go. Because I know that I’ve gone all the way, with no regrets.
Don’t freak out! I’m not saying that I’m gonna stop blogging right now. The time isn’t right. There are still more things I want to write! But if the time ever comes for me to end this season, I will be ready.
Thanks for reading,
I feel that this post is me telling myself, “You can do it! All you have to do is start, just like you did 5 years ago.”
“The road is difficult, not because of the deep river and the high mountains that bar the way, but because we lose heart when we think of the river and the mountains.”